There’s rarely such thing as being unlucky in love. Bad luck is much like good luck in that pure instances of such are exceedingly rare. Even winning the lottery is not 100% luck since one first has to make the conscious decision to play. So what to make of those who perpetually end up in bad situations and consider themselves “unlucky”?
Everyone knows at least one girl or woman who claims to be unlucky with the opposite sex. She can never seem to get a break as she muddles through relationships with jerk after jerk. None of her men are faithful. None of them treat her right. It’s as though cupid were shooting her with poison darts.
Similarly, most people know at least one apparently “nice guy” who can’t seem to find a soul mate. His girls take his money, string him along, makes eyes at his friends, keep an unusual number of male friends of their own and eventually leave him for someone more exciting.
The obvious solution would be to pair these unlucky guys and gals together – surely their mutual sensitivity and desire not to break hearts would create a long and stable relationship?
Actually, it wouldn’t.
Western romance’s saddest irony is actually being quite good at delivering what we want – only later do we figure out that what we want is not what we need. This has little to do with the available population and much to do with our sampling, as humans are hard-wired to be initially superficial – if you want a thin blonde with a D-cup, chances are you’ll eventually find one. Can you complain when she turns out to be a bitch? No, because you asked for a thin blonde with a D-cup and left the rest to chance.
People who say “I want a nice guy” or “I need a regular nice girl” are willfully ignorant to the fact that they are probably surrounded by such individuals. They are at the post office checking their mail, walking their dogs and serving coffee after school. What they’re not doing is providing the requisite “excitement” or prestige to play to the fantasies of the opposite sex. They’re normal and boring – kind of like you.
From my observation, the average person selects a date to suit one of two visions –
- How she sees herself
- How she sees herself in the future
For #1, low self-esteem causes people to pick mates that will be at best inattentive and at worst abusive. Some fear being alone and will pick almost anyone for companionship – an even more dangerous position. Predators and narcissists thrive on weak-willed people and can usually turn on the charm just long enough to snag a new victim.
For #2, the unlucky one is typically choosing a mate to reflect her ambitions. This includes physical attributes of course but could also apply to financial wealth and status. Back when I was active on the dance music scene, women found great prestige in dating the DJ. Apparently it didn’t matter if he was a bony, 150lb recluse whose star profile was unknown outside Ontario – dating the DJ made you somebody! The same logic creates endless generations of “puck bunnies” (girls who chase emerging hockey players) and vapid club girls. So not to be sexist, the fellas can rarely ignore the pouty pin-up girl in the mini who looks like she just stepped out of a teen movie.
And what happens when the prestigious DJ turns out to be a total psychopath? His mate is pitied and she calls herself unlucky. But luck has little to do with the process – when people choose based on surface attributes, everything else is basically crap shoot and -more often than not- “crap” is what results.
Some girls like “bad” boys (and maybe the opposite is true as well) because they seem more exciting. And sometimes they like the idea that they can “change” these bad boys, ex. stop his drinking. But it almost never happens, so then they’re back to square one.
Hi Emilia:
Bad girls and bad boys are absolutely attractive to the opposite sex because of their mystique, aura of adventure and of course the chance for you to “change” them. Like you said, it’s typically nonsense but people like fantasies. Like many, I learned this the hard way and dated a few model-esque gals for no longer than 3 months each – the mystique dies once you have to deal with them beyond the image.
It’s funny; this one colleague of mine blamed his inability to find a girlfriend on the fact that girls supposedly liked guys that were “mean.” I suspect in his case though that part of the reason he hadn’t found a girlfriend was because he smoked. I once dated a man who smoked – and after we broke up (not due to his smoking, by the way) I decided I would never date a guy who smoked because a.) he smelled terrible from up close; b.) one of my cats had asthma and I didn’t want him smoking in the house because it could trigger an asthma attack in her; and c.) he generally smoked outside, but if we had moved in together I would eventually have had no choice but to let him smoke inside. So sometimes a man who says he isn’t “mean” enough to find girlfriend might have some other quality that is repelling girls.
I think women are attracted to powerful men rather than good looking. of course being both is better but power is what does it. That can be money, good body, best at something, the leader of the pack etc. Of course the downside to this is that guys who can make it to these positions are not the nicest of people. Maybe the saying that nice guys finish last is truer than we wish to admit.
Well, I’m guilty of making nice guys finish last when I referred to Arkan and Pablo Escobar as “my guys.”
“I think women are attracted to powerful men rather than good looking. of course being both is better but power is what does it. That can be money, good body, best at something, the leader of the pack etc.”
And now we know why Hitler rose to power and who are responsible for enabling him. It is also clear who is the least evolved of the human species. Dangle a shiney gem in front of its eyes and it will “love” you. i am so sorry about the future but perhaps all of these things were realized long ago, thus the reason why a certain gender was excluded from certain areas of life. Truly EVIL has a face, the world will simply learn once again.
Both sexes are stupid. That’s all there is to it. I am including myself in this statement as I’m making all these mistakes as I type this…Will I change that? No, probably not. I’ll just continue to bitch that love just won’t find me.