Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right decision, Emilia.

Thank you for your comments.

I sometimes think that if everybody had 2.1 children (replacement level), no one would be criticized for how many or few children they had. But maybe that’s as naive as thinking that if everybody were of mixed race, there would be no racism.

I’ve learned to never say never, so I’m not sure how many children I’ll end up having.

Emilia

Don’t listen to anyone else.

First to Karol, I’m afraid I’ll have to class your story about “perfect” babies being stolen by the CAS in the same category as alien abductions and Prime Minister MacKenzie-King communicating with the spirit of his dead dog. Believe me; I’m not a great fan of the CAS, but I don’t believe CAS workers are routinely kidnapping babies.

To B, thank you for the encouragement. I agree I would probably like a younger child, because I know many older children available for adoption or fostering often have issues like neglect or abuse when they were with their family of origin. Probably two yeares is the upper age limit for any child I would adopt. I know I’m not a saint in this respect – and I admire people that do adopt or try to adopt older children with a past history of abuse, like my sister who fostered a boy and girl who were neglected by their biological mother; unfortunately my sister was unable to adopt them because their biological father suddenly popped on the scene and demanded them.

Now to both B and Cynapse, I agree that people shouldn’t have children if they can’t financially and/or emotionally care for them properly. For instance, I would never have 16 kids as Michelle Duggar does, and her religious beliefs, ideas about the role of women, etc., are worlds apart from mine, but on the other hand, she is not on welfare and is raising her children to be responsible citizens. So I don’t mind how many kids she has. On the other hand, in some other parts of the web I see families with more kids than they can handle. For instance, at one attachment parenting board I belonged to at one time, I saw women who continually had children every year even though some of their older ones clearly had behavioural and/or mental problems. I felt that these women might have concentrated on caring for the kids they had and worked at resolving their issues rather than bring more and more into the world. Similarly, I do think it’s irresponsiblbe to deliberately have children while on welfare. I don’t have a problem with, say, a woman with children leaving an abusive husband who can’t afford day care using welfare temporarily. However, I read a book where one woman, with one son already, was undergoing artificial insemination to give her son a sibling, even though she was collected social security (she was British) at the time.

I’m still looking into adoption, but I know myself well enough to realize there are some kids I would feel capable of parenting and others that I would not. I’ll keep everyone abreast of the news about me!

Do what is comfortable for you as a parent….if you feel comfortable to do your job confidently that is what is best for the kid…it aint about the numbers so much. I personally do want more than one and do feel that there is some benefit to a child having another person sorta close to their age to associate with….especially when so called friends cant be trusted…but that doesn’t mean that everyone needs to have multiple kids.

I am sure you will make the good choice…you are analyzing things alot so that means you will most likely not end up putting your self in a situation you cannot handle.

I hate when people pass judgment on others about not having kids or too few. So many parents out there treat kids like sh!t and many times its cause they never really wanted to be parents in the first place but it was “the thing to do”. That crap is wrong.

Anyways….adopt if you want…I possible will myself one day…..I like the idea of giving a young child a home that would not otherwise have had one….but they have to be young for me to do that. I am up for (look forward to) the job of parenting and all the hard work, and the good parts of it…and clearly you are too being a parent already and thinking of the next steps.

Good luck with the decision.

B

Also, I had a very easy pregnancy. The only morning sickness I had was, ironically, on the day I discovered I was pregnant. The only real physical complaint was tender breasts (and by the way, breastfeeding was smooth sailing, and I’m still nursing my daughter sixteen months later).

Also, I’ve met more than a few baby factories in my lifetime. These women can’t stop cranking them out. Subsequent poor care or lack of resources usually leads to these kids turning to crime and/or repeating the cycle. I’m not sure what’s so “moral” about reckeless breeding, to be honest. At least Emilia put some thought into it rather than relying on impulse or superstition. I wish more women would do the same.

I have read your post with great interest and I think that I understand your concerns. Considering the facts that you are still fertile and that you already have one biological child it seems to me that your interest in adoption of another child is motivated by the the fact that you dread pregnancy and childbirth.

I do not know in what part of Canada you live but in Ontario if you are willing to pay for it it is possible to adopt this perfect cute little baby that you are looking for.

I am talking about newborn babies that CAS workers steal from their mothers in Ontario Maternity Wards right after they are born. These perfect kids are never advertised for adoption. They are sold with or without the Record of Live Birth to women who make too much money to afford taking time off for pregnancy and childbirth; lawyers, medical doctors, executives, politicians etc. If they are sold without the Record of Live Birth midwife comes to your home after child is delivered to you and she fills out such report listing you as a birth mother so nobody ever knows that the child was stolen and sold to you.

You have to pay cash under the table and keep quiet about it but risk is minimal.
You can contact any Ontario adoption practitioner and ask them about such option.

The reason I mention it to you is because it seems to me that your moral compass is spinning.

Cheers,